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Sunday, 09 March 2014 07:19

What is Addiction?

What is addiction?  It's when you want to change a behavior and you say, "I'll do that tomorrow."  Then, when tomorrow arrives, you say, "I'll do that tomorrow."  Just shift your thoughts to, "I am doing that now."
Published in Daily Thoughts
Sunday, 31 October 2004 00:00

Smoothly

You’re still there
I go to the cabinets
I leave
I go to the fridge
I leave
I convince myself that
I don’t even know what I want
But you are there
I read what you wrote so many years ago
And I’m amazed at it
Smoothly with a taste of Angels
You wrote that
To me…
Through me
Your influence has been increasing lately
By many standards, it is a small influence
It even seems logical
The way you say it
Have a beer
Have another
You make sense until about the third
At most
And I rarely exceed that
So it seems only fair
I work hard
So what’s two or three beers
At the end of the day
But part of me remembers
Your stronger personalities
More dangerous things
Like Wild Turkey
Vodka, Rum, Jack Daniels
Those smooth tranquilizers
Are harder to stomach these days
But back then I could barely stand
The taste of beer
Ah the taste of it
Now I love it more than any other drink
I remember how bad I thought it was
When I was a kid
But now somehow you taste amazing
In that form
What bothers me
Is the daily enchantment
Ending the day with a mind
Gently numbed

German pint bottles are the best
But Icehouse will do
As it does now
But every day!
Every single day with rare exception
I ignored you one day recently
You took offense
And your retaliation was brutal
I had a long sleepless night
And your voice grew louder
Calling me
You even sounded logical again
A quick shot of Jack
To drown out the pain
Of lying awake in bed
But I made it through the night
Only to encounter you on the next
Yesterday I read what we wrote nine years ago
Almost ten really
I forgot that you were a daily voice
Even then
How long has this been going on?
I can remember stretches of time
Without you
But how long?
And how many?
I don’t know

I am your main affliction
You have others, but I’m in charge of them
Coffee in the morning
Strong coffee
To send you to the moon
After I’ve sent you to sleep
Then you go on to the battle with food
You did very well
With refusing carbs
For so long
But then that helped you refuse me
So I put a stop to that
I put little whispers in your mind
How about Jack and Diet Coke?  
No carbs in that
Brilliant wasn’t it?
It took the advertising agencies years
To copy that one
That was 1999 after all.
But now, I’m in control again
What’s a piece of chocolate here and there?
One piece or 5, it’s all the same
Dark chocolate is fairly low carb
I know you see the weight creeping back on
And you blame the carbs
Fool
I’ve got you where I need you
At the end of the day
You are worn down
From a day of
Troubleshooting, problem solving
And politics
You come home beat up
Just enough
And I don’t even have
To pull a fast one
To get you to the fridge
I’m bottled or canned
But you prefer me in glass
Especially glass stamped $2.52 from Kwik Liquors
Weihenstephaner Hefe Weisse
Nothing like a German
Liquid bread
To carry you away from your
Daily moronic dealings
I build a buzzing wall between you
And your troubles
Sometimes you tell me you will leave
But I know better
You can’t do it
You’re weak and you’re mine

No, you don’t know what you’re talking about
Just tonight I was thinking of making this the last
But then again, so was last night
After tonight, I could see how long
We could stay apart
Hmmm, dangerously worded
That implies that we might get back together

You know we will, so why even try?

No!
But there is more of you in the fridge
I spent money on you so I can’t
Just throw you away

See how logical I am?

I know, it will be easier to stay away from the store
To not spend any more money on you
Finish up what’s in the house
There’s a fifth of Cuervo in the cabinet
I bet if I drink that fast, we won’t talk
For a very long time

Ooh, that’s not fair
How about you make up a bunch of
Lime Jello with that Tequila?
Or some frozen margaritas?

Wow, that sounds really good
Right now
Where do you get your ideas?

I’m convincing, what can I say?

Published in Poems
Monday, 27 February 1995 00:00

Oppose

I am here
knowing you as you know me
I pull at you and infiltrate you
One ounce or twelve, it is all the same.
I calm the burn, the desire, the frustration of
success.
Let me take you away
Smoothly with a taste of angels.
Let me be your endless vista
Numbness flows in apathy's river.
Why feel it?
I'm the enchanted land of childhood
Lands of your control and others of torture.
That swirl of mind
That chaos of consciousness
Coming together
Spinning
melting
pressing
killing
destroyingmaimingcrushing.........
sickening

You
You are the voice
calling my name
telling me things I shouldn't hear
about trains, liquor, and laziness
I know you are there
Daily invasions mark your method
You ask so much
And give so little
Why are you there
Stop tormenting me
You ask so much
Stop
Knowledge of true reality grips me
Unlike other people
Other voices speak truth
I only hope that I listen to them
before I listen to you.

Published in Poems
Saturday, 30 October 2004 00:00

Cresendo

From stillness comes
A little voice
Beginning imperceptibly
But growing unstoppably
Until it can no longer be ignored
Then still growing until it drowns out
All other thoughts
It knows what it wants
And it means to get it
It doesn’t care about you
Only about itself
It convinces you that it will bring pleasure
But the only reward is its silence
Your sense of taste is enslaved
To its bidding
On an empty stomach it penetrates quickly
Washing away your senses
It tells you that drinking more
Will make it feel even better
Until you are lost in it
Unable to think
Or function
Consciousness fades out
Disturbed sleep takes over
Dreams
Tossing and turning
Nightmares
Pain and nausea
Awake in the morning
With anger at having listened again
Regret
But the voice is gone
That’s it, never again
Today starts a new leaf
The nights will be more productive
Take control
Screw the voice

Later in the day
From stillness comes
A little voice
Growing to crescendo
It must be silenced.

Published in Poems
Saturday, 20 October 2012 06:00

Addictions

Think of the addictions in your life and your justifications for maintaining them.  Then resolve to give one of them up.  You don't have to pick a date.  Just start imagining your life without that substance.

Published in Daily Thoughts

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